


Rock 'N' Roll Star

by AFicOrTwo



Category: Oasis (Band)
Genre: Brothers, Fluff and Angst, Gallaghercest, M/M, Musicians, Other, Rating May Change, Sibling Love, Sorry Not Sorry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-03
Updated: 2019-03-13
Packaged: 2019-05-17 13:54:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 21,235
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14833517
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AFicOrTwo/pseuds/AFicOrTwo
Summary: Summary: Its 2019 and Oasis have been nominated for Induction into the Rock ‘N’ Roll Hall of Fame. What they will do or say when they meet again on stage during their acceptance speech is is on everyone’s mind. (Told from both of their perspectives). And the aftermath of the meeting is even more anticipated. But how did their relationship end up like this in the first place? That story is also to be uncovered.





	1. Inside the eye of your mind

**Author's Note:**

> First fic I've published on Ao3, hope ya all like it!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Liam and Noel separately arrive in Cleveland, Ohio in the United States to attend the Rock 'N' Roll Hall of Fame induction ceremony. Even before seeing each other they can't help by wonder how the other is doing.

Noel  
I said I wouldn’t come here. In a few interviews I think. I will even bet you there is most likely a video of me saying I’d rather drink my own piss like Bear fucking Grylls than be on stage with Liam Gallagher again. I said I didn't care. That I wouldn't attend the ceremony. But I’ve said shit I didn't mean plenty of times before. So here I am, walking through the halls of the Rock ‘N’ Roll Hall of Fame while looking at exhibits about Oasis. They have my old guitars and other shit I haven't seen since I was pissed and coked up to my eyeballs. I’ve been here before though, I was invited here years ago by the people who run this place, back when I said I wouldn’t come to receive their award. And when I see these exhibits I have feelings instead of memories, because I don't have many of those from the 90s. I remember feeling invincible. I remember not knowing where the whirlwind of Oasis was going to take all of us each day. Now I’m alone in a place where my past is on display and pictures tell me everything I’ve forgotten.  
Now I have about five hours until the awards ceremony starts, and my tux is probably laid out somewhere, but I thought I should go someplace to busy my mind. So I don’t think about our kid, or look at whatever stupid shit he’s probably saying about the ceremony on Twitter. He always finds a way to piss me off, and I know he wont stop till either of us are dead. Lucky for him I plan on doing the same.

Liam  
That cunt. I wonder where he is right now. What he’s doing right now. Noel Gallagher? Probably on some private jet sipping rosé and telling some poor kid how to fold his napkins or some shit. I’m wondering where a couple people are right now in fact, Bonehead was on the same flight as me but Andy is nowhere to be fucking seen. So I’m sitting in a car being driven to my hotel, by some geezer who looks too happy. Probably because he saw people at the airport making a fuss over me and thinks he’s in for a good tip, which kind of annoys me, but I’ll probably oblige. There are five hours until the ceremony now and I don’t know if I’m excited or nervous, either way I feel a bit sick and Debbie is sitting next to me in the car and I know she can tell. She just holds my hand and smiles softly at me.

Noel  
Three hours till showtime. The show for the press to see if I spit on Liam or kiss his fucking feet. I would be up for one of those options, and I fucking hate feet. At the same time, I couldn’t. God I think I’ve gone soft, I’m supposed to be the brother who’s got it together. This is the most worry I’ve felt about anything for a while, I should stop overthinking and save it all for a song. Now I’m walking around Cleveland. The sun is out and only a couple people have recognized me so far. Not that I’m all that bothered when they do, so long as they don’t ask for a fucking picture. I don’t really know where I’m going but it feels good to walk around, and no matter where I end up I can always call someone to pick me up. I call Sara and talk to her while I walk. She knows how I feel about the whole situation, that I’m not here to apologize, I’m here to show Liam he’s not going to take all the credit for Oasis. And she supported my decision to come even though her and Liam don't get along in the slightest. She also didn't come with me for that reason. All I know is I’m a lucky fucker to have her, and I’m glad she puts up with me.

Liam  
One hour now, my hotel room is full of people yelling things about backstage passes and hairspray and I don’t know where to stand. Andy finally showed up, he said he was late because of the plane. And Bonehead is sitting in a chair looking at his phone. One person’s got their hand in my hair, another is using a lint roller on my back and my manager is just staring at me willing me not to mess up my Tom Ford tux. I wouldn't dare of course, I don’t mess around with my fucking clothes. I finally get a break from my busy hotel room when I excuse myself for a piss. Honestly I feel like I’m in primary school announcing where I’m going, but a couple people are looking at me as if I might leg it so I decided to for their sake. In the bathroom I give myself a once over in the mirror. I look great obviously but my face shows how nervous I am. I don’t usually feel nervous, and I’m usually better at hiding my emotions but I think today I may have cracked. The pressure is on. Everyone’s watching. I can handle the eyes of the world on me, in fact I couldn't think of a better way to fucking exist. But it’s not the press or Oasis fans that make me feel nervous, it’s Noel. That fucker is in my head. He always finds his way in. Most of the time because I let him, I watch his performances from time to time and listen to any news about him if it comes down the grape vine. But this time it isn’t on purpose. Him in my head is like that shit where you lose a leg and you can still feel it. I think it’s called ghost leg or something. Anyway he’s in my head. I can just see him giving me that look like he knows exactly what he’s doing and I’m just an ass. Like I need him and he doesn't need me. I don't miss that fucking look, him smirking at me. God I hate him, what a self-righteous arsehole. Little did he know I could do fine without him telling me what to do. That I’m still a rock star and that he’s not responsible for As You Were, that it’s mine. When I remember to look back at my reflection, I realise that thinking this hard is just making more lines in my face. Then someone knocks on the door asking if I’m ready. Time to go I guess.

Noel  
Me and Gem drive up to the theatre where the ceremony is taking place, some place in the middle of Cleveland that I don't take the time to remember the name of. When we get out of the car everyone looks more excited than I am, and the press proceeds to ask stupid questions. Though that’s not exactly surprising. We finally get to our seats and there is booze at the table, thank God. Or whoever decided that we could have alcohol at this thing.

Liam  
As soon as I get into the room I know he’s there. I can feel it. I can feel his ego radiating from the fucking doorway. And when I finally spot him he’s sitting with Gem and looking relaxed but kind of annoyed, his normal state. I’ve stopped in my tracks to stare and Bonehead and Andy walk in behind me, along with my people and Debbie. My group follows my eyeline and Andy just sighs, they all walk past me and Debbie puts a hand on my shoulder while planting a kiss on my cheek. I couldn't tell you how but she always reminds me that shit’s gonna be just fine, even if it really wont be.

Noel  
He’s staring at me now. Like he used to do all the time. I’m used to it. But this time he stares like he needs something. I don’t stare back, I just glance. Glancing is more polite. I don’t think he ever learned what that was, to be polite. He’s strange, I’ve always known that, but I forgot just how much. The theatre is full now, beautiful people I don’t know are sitting all around me. I’m assuming they’re from record labels or are people who are just managers of managers, people who know other more important people. My people and his are huddled around each of our separate tables. The ceremony is almost to the halfway mark and I’ve worked my way through three quarters of my bottle of rosé that everyone knows better than to touch. I looked down at my glass of rosé and then back up. He’s still staring. If I didn’t know him I would’ve started to squirm under his gaze, but I do and I can see through him. Unfortunately he can also see through me too. He can see how unsure I am about this whole situation. Gem shifts in his seat across the table and gives me a silent pitying look, Andy and Bonehead do the same from Liam’s table. Guigsy, and Alan White sit at separate tables, not sure what to do, and Tony McCarroll hadn’t shown. Johnny Marr stands on stage, talking about the history of Oasis, ‘the group from nowhere who conquered the world’. His speech is funny and endearing and absolute bollocks to anyone who knew the truth. But it worked for the public. And nonetheless it means a lot to be inducted by him.

Liam  
He’s sitting a couple tables away from me. With Gem and some other cunts that think they’re god’s gift. I stare at him, because I can’t help it, because watching him laugh and talk to the people around him pisses me off. I know he knows I’m staring. And I want him to. Because I can see through Noel Gallagher, even if these other people can’t. God I fucking hate him. But sometimes I don’t. At the end of the day I know I love him. I adore him. He’s still the best songwriter I know. And he’s still talented as fuck. But he’s also still the biggest prat I know.

Noel  
The band was being immortalized in his speech and in this place, not just Liam and I. I liked that, that the friends I got to work with were mentioned too, because they were ignored a lot while the band was together. But everyone knew it came down to the two of us, I can say I hated and loved that fact simultaneously. Us. Brothers and somehow lovers. Lovers of things that made us feel invincible and alive, and the music and the people. Lovers of each other until we hated each other. And it never really mattered to us if our relationship annoyed fans or confused the press. Because we both knew how deep it went, how deep it still goes. What the songs mean and the words that we said to each other meant. Because it was about the Gallagher boys. About insanity and violence and tears and words and love.

Liam  
He tries to make it so simple, like I’m just an idiot and he’s just an angel. But I know better, and he does too. He knows. He knows it’s not just me. He knows what being here means. He’s here today because Oasis matters to him, and I matter to him. He wouldn't be here if he didnt give a shit like he wants people to believe. And I know it. I know him and his schemes. God he pisses me off. He always does. I also miss him, how we used to talk shit for hours and drink too much. I can still drink too much. But somehow, we both ended up alone with other people. And it’s all my fault because I love him and everything too much. Because I can’t stop being myself.

Noel  
Liam Gallagher fucked up my family, that caricature the he made out of himself. Our family has always been fucked up actually. So I don't know why I’m searching for someone to blame. It’s just so easy to blame him. Because he’s always had more fire in his blood. We’re both Irish but somehow Liam’s blood is more concentrated, with anger and booze and obsession. So our relationship was like marriage, like intense violent marriage. I’d even go as far as saying I’d had three marriages, to Meg, to Sara, and to Liam. But I know which one comes first now. Because someone told me unconditional love is only for those who deserve it. And that the members of my family who aren’t insane deserve it and Liam doesn’t. And I know for those days when it isn’t so obvious that I shouldn't have him in my life, there will be a song in it. Giving your heart to music is smarter than giving it to your toxic brother…but people say Liam is toxic as if no one else is. We’re all sad and crazy, Liam just can’t hide it. And for whatever reason I can never forget that.  
So here we are, in a large theatre, strategically seated far enough from each other as not to start a fight, but still close enough to see each other. Not at all dissimilar to our relationship since the break up. And I’ve decided to pretend that I don’t care for the sake of my own mental stability.  
By the time I climb out of my own head Marr finishes his speech and introduces us. “And now, our newest inductees, Oasis!”. The thunderous applause begins and all of us stand up, looking at each other. Bonehead, Andy, Guigsy and Gem start to walk toward the stage, Liam just stares at me while standing beside his chair. I don’t move either. When the rest of the band gets to the stage he starts to walk slowly. He’s putting on a show for the cameras. He knows I know that. I walk too. The applause is still going, but eyes are darting between both of us as we walk. I didn't realize that I missed how us together could make a room buzz with excitement. He reaches the steps of the stage first, he’s on the right side of the group and I’m on the left. I got stuck standing next to Andy, so I look even shorter than I am, that tall bastard. The clapping fades and the room goes quiet. No one moves to say anything for a second or two, and I see Gem and Andy swaying toward the mic in case of emergency. Just in time I see Liam’s eyes light up and I know at that moment he’s decided he wants be the first to speak.

God help us all.


	2. Shake Along with Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A flashback in time.  
> It's 1991 and Liam and Noel Gallagher are just normal people. It's before the money and the stadium tours, and before they hated each other. Noel is back home from touring with the Inspiral Carpets and things have changed. Namely his kid brother isn't a kid anymore, and his eyes wont stop being so damn blue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's chap. 2! I hope y'all like it so far! :D

1991

Liam  
Noel’s coming home. I’m not going to lie to myself and say I didn't miss him. Even though he moved out years ago he’s still my fucking brother. Not having to share a room has been fucking top, but I missed annoying him. And waking up a night and having someone else in the room, even if they are snoring. He’s been off in America this time, as a roadie for the Inspiral Carpets, for a year. He called, but we never talked much, mam always held the phone tightly and asked if he was eating enough, or if they had any decent tea in America. She would hang up and tell me he said hi and that he misses us all, and I would just nod.

When mam hears the cab come down the driveway, she opens the door before he’s even had an opportunity to knock. She greets him by hugging him too tight and giving him a kiss on the cheek. He stands in the doorway with his guitar case and bags in his hands for some time, because mam’s making such a fuss she hasn't even let him put one foot in the door before proceeding to ask a million questions. He looks tan and knackered, and his hair is long and shaggy. Years ago he’d said long hair only looked decent on The Beatles, guess he’s changed his mind. Basically he looks good. Probably still annoying though, that's just how big brothers are. I was just sitting on the couch eating a bag of crisps and watching telly when he rang mam to tell her he was on his way. Now he’s sitting beside me and looking at me like I’ve sprouted two heads. He ruffles my hair. “Look who’s grown up.” I push his hand away and laugh. “Fuck off Noel.” He just stares at me and smiles, “Only if you ask politely.” He stands and walks into the kitchen where mam is buzzing around 100 miles per hour making Noel’s favorite meal. He’s going to stay here for a night and then go back to his own place tomorrow.

Noel  
America was big. Everything there was bigger, the people included. Now that I’ve ridden around America in a bus I’m not sure I ever could again. Too many hours staring at trees on the seemingly endless motorways or looking down into people’s cars. Coming back home is a relief, mostly because nothing changed. That is except Liam. Liam looks brighter. Or maybe just his eyes do. While I stand in the doorway of my mam’s house I watch him as he sits on the couch, looking uninterested by what he’s watching on the telly, and he just looks different. Like he’s more grown up. What a fucking difference a year makes. He’s not all flushed cheeks and long legs anymore. He looks at me and all I see are his stupidly big blue eyes. He looks like a fucking owl. Those eyes aren't new but his stubble is, and the brown hair around his mouth just makes him lips look more pink. It’s almost obscene.

I’m sure he’s driving all the birds insane, along with other people. He says hi to me as I plop down on the couch beside him and ruffle his hair. He bats my hand away and tells me to fuck off. I missed that. I retort in my usual way and go check on mam in the kitchen. He’s so easy to rile up, I missed that too.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

_I open my eyes and I’m in a vast black space, I can’t tell if I’m standing or sitting and the space seems endless. But even before I can become alarmed, two big blue eyes appear in front of me, looking straight into my soul. They make me think of that book they made us read in school. The Great Gatsby was the name of it I think, in it there was a pair of eyes painted on a billboard, that my teacher told me symbolized the eyes of God; God staring over the land and judging humanity for all of it’s sins. But these eyes don't judge anyone, not even me. And out of the black space I hear a voice._

_“Noel?”_

_I think it might be God._

_“Will you kiss me?”_

_God’s voice sounds an awful lot like my little brother._

_No, now that I think about it it’s Liam, the eyes and the voice, definitely Liam. It should have been obvious before. But when this thought leaves my mind I realize something else, the words didn’t come from a pair of lips. I look around for the source. Nothing but black all around me. The eyes blink. Like a confused cat. I feel like I should be afraid, but I’m not. Because the eyes are seeming to be waiting for an answer, not trying to intimidate me. Not that Liam could ever intimidate me..._

_I hear the voice again._

_“Please?”_

_I intend to say no but I can't move. The eyes seem to know my response and they start to well up with tears. Liam was always a big baby like that. But I feel bad anyway, for whatever reason. Suddenly I hear another voice, just someone laughing, a good natured and hearty laugh. The voice was that of another man. And replies to Liam’s question._

_“Okay.”_

_The voice sounds so happy. Fuck that. It’s not fucking happening. Some random guy ain’t going to kiss my brother. Liam’s eyes just look at me confused. I didn't know how to respond to this look, all I knew was that I was angry. At the idea of some guy kissing my brother, or laughing at the stupid shit he says. Or touching him. That’s not okay. It’s just fucking not._

_The big blue eyes suddenly disappear. All there is is blackness again._

~~~~~~~~

Noel

  
“Hey Noel!”

I’m half asleep and I hear a voice, not too far away from me.

“Noel, wake the fuck up. mam’s got breakfast ready, we’re waiting on you.”

I open my eyes and Liam’s standing in the doorway of our room with his arms crossed. He’s in a blue t-shirt and his boxers, his blue shirt makes his eyes shine. I make eye contact with him and he just moves his head motioning for me to get out of bed. I roll my eyes in response and get out of bed, I only have bottoms on but I dont put on a shirt because Liam seems like he’s in such a big hurry. He just looks at me as I walk toward the bedroom door. He moves to stand in my way.

“What’s the magic word?”

I just look at him with hooded eyes.

“Cunt.”

Liam laughs, “I didn’t ask you what you are Noel, I asked for the magic word.”

I smile, “Get out of the way.”

I raise my hands to push him out of the way and they land on his chest, he’s skinny but solid, not to mention taller than me. He doesn’t move.

“Not the stronger older brother are you now?”

I sigh, “You’re too old for this Liam.”

“Says who?” he responds with a smile.

“Her!” I point behind him and he’s dumb enough to look, I squeeze out of the doorway and run down the stairs. I hear him say “dammit!” when I arrive at the bottom of the stairs and laugh as I turn the corner to enter the kitchen. mam’s setting up everything on the table and looks extremely happy.

“I’m just so glad you’re home darling, even if just for today. When did you say you were heading back?” She asks as she puts down a plate. “After tea I guess, not really in a hurry though.” She seems pleased with that answer. Liam comes into the kitchen, smiling and playfully shoving me as he walks past and sits down at the small table. He starts put to food on his plate, and mam brings him over a cup of tea.

“You know Liam is in a band Noel?” mam asks me as she sits down beside Liam as he start to shove food into his face. I just lean against the counter.

“Oh yeah, I remember you told me that the last time I called. So just _how_ shite is your little band Liam?”

“Noel!” Mam gives me a fierce look. “Your brothers and I support you, you owe Liam the same don’t you think?”

I sigh, “Liam?”  
Liam stops chewing loudly for long enough to answer, “My band’s called Oasis, we’re not too bad. We’ve actually got a gig tonight if you wanna check us out.”

mam gives me a look. “Sure.” I say with a plastered on smile. I know already this band is probably shite, but knowing Liam, he would never admit that. Or maybe he’s just the only member of the band that’s any good? Either way, I’m sure to find out soon enough.

~~~~~~~~

I walk into the pub later that night. There aren't many people there, lucky them. I look up from the door and see Liam sitting at the bar and his mates soundchecking on the stage. Of course the rest of them are doing the heavy lifting, typical Liam. I walk over to him as he sits at the bar, he looks up and smiles

“Hey Noel. Knew you would come, I mean, I am a fucking geezer.”

I roll my eyes and sit down, “We both know I’m only here because mam would have my fuckin neck otherwise.” Liam just looks at me. All I see are his eyes, and lips, that dream still lingers in my mind. He looks at me like he knows I’m lying, I didn't think I was, but now I’m not all that sure.

“And to see if you guys are shite.”

I say this to garner some reaction from him, and to stop myself from staring at his eyelashes. He laughs and pushes me, I sway on my stool and smile. He finally gets up and walks over to the stage, pint in hand of course. Liam walks over to the guys in his band and chats to them briefly, one small and mousey playing bass, another sitting behind a drum set and and the other, a guitarist, balding slightly but quite happy looking, and they all get into their positions on stage. He walks up to the microphone confidently, with a swagger that I usually only him saw him emulate when when he was trying to show off to the pack of muppets he calls his mates. But this time it’s different. He takes one last swig of his pint and put the glass at his feet. The mic's taller than him, which annoyies me, git can't even move his mic down to his fucking mouth. He introduces the band.

“We are Oasis, and this one is called “Take Me’.

With a count in, the music starts and Liam stands taller to meet the mic, holding it steadily with one hand and putting his other hand behind his back. Almost like a contorting statue. The music was...loud, simply speaking. But the song, the lyrics stop me in my tracks.

 _Take me when I’m young and true_  
_Was it me or was it you?_  
_Take me when I'm not so strong_  
_Why is it taking you so long?_

 _Take me when you feel I’ve gone_  
_I’ve always knew I could be someone_  
_Take me if you think you’re right_  
_Do it now before it’s light_

 _Take me if you think I’m sweet,_  
_Though my life is incomplete_  
_Take me when I wish to live_  
_For I still have much to give_

 _Take me when I’m young and true_  
_Was it me or was it you?_  
_Take me when I start to cry_  
_Take me, take me don’t ask why_

Oh shit.

"Oasis" do another song, but I dont really hear it. All I can hear is blood rushing in my ears. All I can do is stare at Liam, and his big fucking mouth singing each word of some song he probably wrote. He wrote the one before this one too, I’m assuming. All I could wonder was who he wrote the song about. The man who was laughing in my dream? Some bird he met in a disco? I don’t fucking know, but I could still hear it in my head.

 _Take me when I start to cry_  
_Take me, take me don’t ask why_

That’s all I can fucking hear. When the band finishes there's sparse applause from the audience and Liam bounds off stage like he just played the fucking Royal Albert Hall. He comes toward the bar, his pint in his hand again and his bandmates following after him.

“Noelllll, what did ya think?!” His eyes shining, I’d never seen him like this before. Giddy, like he was full of electricity.

“The first song wasn’t shite, can't say much about the second one though.” I say in the most nonchalant voice I can muster. I see disappointment flash across Liam’s face for half a second before he smiles again and looks behind him to his bandmates.

“Told you he’s a proper cunt.”

The three men laugh. I look at them again. Liam finally seems to notice he hasn’t even told me who these guys are.

“Oh yeah, Noel this is Guigsy, Guigs for short, and Paul McGuigan if you’re his mam.” Liam says this while pointing to the mousey looking man, Guigsy offers a hand to shake, I take it. “And this is Bonehead, a.k.a. Paul Arthurs.” Liam says this as he points to the other man, now that he was closer I could see his scalp through his wispy hair. Very Rock ‘n’ Roll...I shake his hand too. “And this is Tony McCarroll , Ringo Starr himself.” The curly haired man shook my hand too, even by just looking at him I knew he was headstrong. Bonehead pipes up and asks whose getting in the first pint. I guess this guy is okay, even if he is going bald.

We spend the rest of the night in the pub, laughing about stupid shit Liam does mostly. It’s midnight when I decide I like these guys, they seem like they’re really in it for the music. And Liam? Well he’s pissed by now, and he still looks like he’s full of electricity, and he’s talking too fast about some other gig Oasis had that didn’t go as well as this one had. I get up to take a piss and Liam follows after me, poking me and asking me questions about what the band should do next. Since I “know shit about music” and because I “toured with a proper band”. He tell him to fuck off and let me take a piss in peace, he doesn't listen of course. When I go up to the urinal and he stands right beside me, I try to push him away but he just laughs. I move to the next one over, and he moves as I do and I just roll my eyes and decide to give up, unzipping my pants with him standing right beside me. He starts to cackle as soon as I unzip my pants, what a dick... But then suddenly he’s quiet.

“Hey Noel?”

I finish and zip my pants back up then walk over to the sink to wash my hands, anything to put some distance between him and I.

“NOEL!!l!” He yells at the top of his voice.

I jump. “The fuck Liam? What are you screaming for?! What?!”

“You wanna be our manager?” He asks this and looks at me with now hooded eyes. Finally getting tired I guess.

“Fuck no, I’m not a manager. I write songs.”

Liam looks at me earnestly now.

“Then write some songs with us...join us!”

“Liam-” I start, but he gives me puppy dog eyes, I thought those had stopped working when he was about 8, but somehow they’re working again. His pupils are blown, he’s sweating a bit and his hair is in his eyes, he’s so pissed, and so fucking pretty. Shit. I don’t know why that word came to mind, pretty...but nonetheless he’s distracting. And the puppy dog eyes work..

“Okay, I’ll write songs. But I’ll write all the songs for the band.”

“Fine.”

“I’m serious Liam. If I join I’m gonna write the songs. And If you let me I can make you guys a whole lot less shite.”

“I know Noel, that’s why I’m asking you. You gonna fucking help us or not?”

“Okay, but If I join this band I own you seven days a week.”

“So no less than usual you bossy cunt?”

“I guess not.”

Liam offers his hand and we shake on it. He smiles and walks toward the door as I finally start to wash my hands.

“Liam, who’s it about?”

He turns around and smiles.

“You mean “Take Me”?”

I nod. “You write it about some bird or something?”

He just blinks slowly and smiles a mischievous smile, his eyes are bright again.

“Sure.” He says with a shrug and walks out of the toilets.

 

Well shit.


	3. Fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Both Liam and Noel start to realize something is up, they just cant put it into words. Maybe it's bigger than themselves?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry its been two weeks since putting up another chapter. But I realized that a chapter a week might be a stretch for me so I think I'll be changing it to a chapter every other week. I realized that giving a story more time really helps me sort everything out better, and I don't want to post something just because when I don't think it's as good as it can be. Hopefully you guys like this chapter bc I've got some ideas for this story that I think ya'll will really enjoy.

Liam  
Fuck. My head is banging when I wake from a deep sleep, face firmly planted on my pillow. I turn to lay on my side, opening my eyes. Bad idea. The sunlight streaming in through the window is blinding and I close my eyes again quickly. I remember Noel is in the room sleeping. Noel came back to our mam’s after last night’s gig. So I’m sharing a room with my bossy fucking brother again. It’s like we’re kids. I decide to sit up and open my eyes and look over at Noel, he looks so innocent when he’s asleep, of course that spell is broken as soon as he’s awake. His feet are sticking out from under his blankets, which mam keeps high supply of encase Noel visits, because he always wants twenty blankets when he falls asleep but always ends up with barely one covering his body in the morning. Last night is still fuzzy in my head but I know for a fact that I asked Noel to join the band, I’d been planning to for a while. And even when I came up with the idea, I knew he would be a cunt about it. That he would want to be in charge of the whole affair. He has this habit, what I believe he would refer to as a strength, of being an egotistical gobshite, and a fucking know-it-all. But somehow he seems to still be charming to birds? Don’t ask me how, because I don't fucking get it. Also I remember Noel giving me that same look he did when he came home, like he was drowning, when he asked me if “Take Me” was about a bird. Didn’t think he would care really, he never gave a shit about what I got up to before, now he stares at me and asks questions no one else takes the time to ask. So I just said “sure”. I’m sure that’ll drive him mad for a bit. Seeing the look on his face is too hard to pass up. Fuck if I know what all this is about but I’ll be damned if I don’t have fun finding out.  
I get out of bed and walk over to his. He’s sleeping on his back, and he’s got his mouth wide opened, snoring as usual. Suddenly a childish idea pops into my head that makes me smile. I cover his mouth and plug is nose and wait. After about 5 seconds his eyes open abruptly and he yells, though muffled by my hand, and he’s so startled he falls out of his bed. Before I can move out of the way he topples me over and we both end up on the floor. All I can do is laugh.

“You should’ve seen the fucking look on your face!! You looked like you were gonna piss yourself!”

Noel glares at me and I just laugh harder. He looks pissed and yells at me.

“God you’re such a fucking twat Liam!”

And before he finishes the sentence he’s throwing punches, I try to block but he gets in a few good hits. One of his punches hit my nose and the force of it causes me to roll back over to the foot of my bed. He doesn’t move to hit me again and I can’t help but be surprised. I move to sit at the foot of my bed and he lays beside his as we both catch our breath in silence. The blood that was running from my nose finally reached my lips as I opened my mouth.

“Good morning Noel.”

Noel just huffs and sits up to lean on his bed.

I stand up and walk over to him, offering a hand, he smacks it away at first but then rolls his eyes and grabs it. I pull him up and he falls into me, our chests colliding, we both wince.

“God Liam why are you trying to fucking kill me?”

I just laugh.

“Because I like you.”

He just stares at me.

“Liam if we were in primary school and you weren't my fucking brother that might make a lick of sense.”

“Since when do I make sense?”

He smiles. “...You’ve got a point. But still, fuck you.”

He walks toward the room door.

“People do, and I haven’t got any complaints yet.”

He turns and laughs heartily.

“By the sound of that fucking song it sounds like people fuck you, not the other way around.”

Cunt.

He starts yelling the lyrics to Take Me and fuckin prancing around the room.

“Take me when I’m young and truuuuue!”

“Fuck you!” I yell back laughing and reach out to hit him on the head. He grabs my shirt, turns me around and pushes me against the door. I try to get away but his grip is too strong, I close my eyes and prepare for another punch. But he doesn't hit me. I open my eyes again and he’s just staring at me.

“What’s with the fucking staring Noel? When did you turn into such a freak?”

Noel just blinks. His eyes flicking between my eyes and lips.

“When did you turn into such an insufferable twat?”

He sounds serious now and I don't know what to do. Noel just breathes hard through his nose and lets go of me, then pushes me out of the way of the door walking out of the room.

I yell out of the door as he walks down the stairs, “We’ve got band practice tonight! Don't be fucking late!”

~~~~~

Noel  
I escape the house as fast as I can after having a mostly silent breakfast with Liam, save for Liam filling me in on when Oasis was going to rehearse that night, and a quick shower. After this morning I’m not in the mood to stare at his face any longer. When I get outside I can finally breathe, it’s kind of cold but I don't mind. I just have to go get some fags, I’m stuck inside my own head and they’re all that can help right now. I can keep thinking about Liam and how he can tell I’m acting different, I honestly don't know why I thought he wouldn't. And he doesn't seem to have a fucking clue why. Neither do I. I don't fucking know why I dream about his eyes and his lips are burned on the inside of my eye lids. I don't know why I keep thinking about my brother. And I’m sure not going to tell him that, because then he’ll ask why. And I don't have a fucking answer. Nothing makes any sense.

I purchase my cigarettes wordlessly and light one up before I’m past the threshold of the front door of the small shop. Walking around aimlessly for hours seems like a good idea I guess.

“Sure”

That’s what he said.

Sure. Sure. Sure.

I repeat the word in my head until it loses its meaning.

Still I think about ‘Take Me’. Sure. It’s about some bird? Of course, “Take Me” is about some bird Liam met in some seedy club where he couldn't see half a metre in front of himself and the music was too loud. Sure. Other hypotheses rolled into my mind. Or it was about someone else? Someone he met and fell in love with. God Liam falling in love is a odd fucking thought. All he’s capable of is driving people mad and looking like an angel all the while. I know birds go for that sort of thing, but I never imagined it would go further than one drunken shag. I’m the only person who can actually tolerate the little arsehole.

I keep walking through town, the day is overcast. Dreary and cold, not surprising for such a beautiful place! When I was away I didn't miss Manchester nearly as much as I thought I would. And now that I look around I understand why. Dirty streets and scallies crowding pub doorways. Dogs barking and no doubt drug deals going down in the alleys as I walked passed. And no fucking sun. In America the sun seemed to like to stick around, no such thing here. Maybe I’m just spoiled from seeing the sun and I’ll just never be the same, maybe the scales have finally fallen from my eyes.

I smoke and smoke until the nicotine calms my nerves. Reminds me I can face rehearsal tonight. God why is being at Liam’s band rehearsal something I have to “face”? I don’t know why being around Liam makes me think so much now-a-days. Am I fucking sick? Am I in a fever dream?

But when I hear some band practicing in their garden, not Oasis, my brain decides it finally wants to work, I stop in my tracks on the pavement and lean against a siding of a closed chip shop, and things start to come together in my mind:

I’ve known this kid all of his life, he’s my brother, I’ve bossed him around and taken care of him and given him advice for years, and through all that I never once noticed that his eyelashes were too long and that his lips were the color of rouge on some bird’s cheeks. And now I see everything. Why?  
Because when I left there was nothing to see, he was a fucking hotheaded kid just like all of his little mates. But something in him changed when I was gone. Liam started to try. Liam had always wanted to do things, but he never actually tried to make any of those things happen. Usually for fear that his mates would take the piss out of him for actually giving a shit about something. They hadn't tried, so why should he? But now he was trying to be what he’d talked about, a rockstar. He’d told our career’s officer before but that cunt didn't listen. Neither did I. I thought Liam was joking. But now he’s gone and fucking tried. Got some band he’s singing for, and actually doing gigs? That stubborn cunt is trying and I know no one can fucking stop him. There wasn't anything there to see before now. Now it’s glaringly clear what Liam can be. And now I cant unsee it. He fucking cares. Now that he’s got fire in his eyes I can’t get his eyes out of my head.

I’m fucked.

My fucking feelings are telling me so many things but my brain keeps reminding me he’s our kid. He’s like a fire, and now he’s starting one in my head, burning up logic and all of the reason I have in my head that he’d rejected in favor of popularity.

When I get through the haze of my own thoughts, my fag has reached the filter and its starting to burn my fingers. I flick it onto the pavement and crush it under foot. When I lift my foot I see the ashes, and it gives me an idea. Makes me realize the solution for all of this trouble.

Putting out the flame. Fuck the flames in his eyes, and his passion and all that tat. There isn't anything there, he’s just the prat I know and tolerate. And if there is some sort of malignant passion in him then it’s not for me to see. It’s for some bird to see that thinks Liam is god. I don't know why I can see it, I don't know why I think he matters more than anyone else at this moment in time. But it doesn't matter because if I put out the flame it won’t be able take me with it. Also feeling isn’t what I do best anyway, doing is. Fucking and drinking and smoking and music don’t require all this thinking. Writing does, but that’s for when I’m alone. Just like feelings. Those are for nighttime when no one is there but you and your mind. I look down at my wrist, expecting to be able to see the time, but my wrist is bare. Fuck. I start walking again and look around for a place with a clock. The post office is across the street and I jog over to it hurrying through the door. An old lady sits behind the front desk and says hello as I enter, at least I think she does, I tune her out as as I look around for a clock on any of the walls. I finally find one and it’s half six. Damn it, Liam told me to be there at half five. I don't know why practice is so early but as soon as I see that’s the time I don't have much time to think, I just have to hurry.

~~~~~

Liam  
Dammit, Noel’s not back yet. I’m sitting at the dining table tapping my foot, waiting. Guigs, Bonehead, and Tony have already arrived and are waiting in the garage for practice to start, being stuffed full of biscuits by mam. At least she’s buying me some time. When Noel comes through the door he looks winded and I can smell the fags he’s smoked.

“What the fuck Noel?!”

Noel takes a second to catch his breath, I guess he was running?

“Fuck Liam, I was walking around and- it was so late when I finally looked up at the time.”

I just stare at the wall while he looks at me still panting.

“You gonna be late every time? I thought you wanted to be in this band?”

“God damn it Liam I said I lost track of time-”

“Whatever.” was all I could muster and I walked toward the door, heading for the garage.

Noel stopped me, grabbing me by one of my shoulders before I walked passed.

“Liam.”

He looked into my eyes. I knew this was his way of saying sorry, because he’s always been too much of a cunt to actually say the words. I sigh and look at his hand on my shoulder and back at his face. His face is much more stoic than it had been these last couple days. He wasn't looking at me weird anymore. The fuck is going on with this kid? One day he actually gives a shit, the next he doesn’t. I shouldn't be surprised, he’s been “too cool” ever since he got popular mates and started to travel all around the world with a band. Should’ve known it was too good to be true.

“Liam?” Noel’s looking at me with raised eyebrows now and I realize I’ve been staring.

“Yeah just thinking about who we’re gonna replace you with. Heard this geezer the next street over can actually tell the fucking time.”

Noel smiles at this. We’re good again. I start walking toward the door again, “Okay let's go, the rest of the guys are waiting for us.” Noel nods and we make our way out to the garage. When we walk in Tony’s tapping lightly on his cymbals, and Guigs and Bonehead are both strumming mindlessly. They look up and start shouting abuse about our tardiness. I tell them all to fuck off because they’re the ones over at our gaff eating all our fucking biscuits so they should be grateful. Noel gets on with the lot and I see that as a good sign, how the fuck are be gonna be in a band together if we hate each other?

After going through a couple of our songs, bonehead asks to hear some of noel’s, I’d told him Noel was a songwriter during one of his and my writing sessions and he’d been waiting to see if Noel was any good. Noel gets his acoustic and sits down, he plays two songs and really blows us away. His lyrics are just what we need, also he seems to actually know what the fuck he’s doing, not that I’d ever tell him that.

~~~~~

Noel  
Practice is over after about two hours of jamming and general fucking about. So we decide to head down to the pub, and because we’re still buzzing from how great practice was we fancy ourselves proper lady killers. The only one of us who has a chance is Liam to be honest, his nonchalant attitude always drove birds mad.

When we arrive the place is pretty busy, I order us a round, of course I buy the first round because I’m the only one of us who isn't skint. I just hope one of the others pulls together their fucking pennies in time for the next round so this night doesn't end at fucking ten o’clock. I get the pints and weave my way through the full tables of old and young people alike toward our table near the back of the pub. When I finally get there some bird is leaning over it talking excitedly at Liam with her tits hazardously hanging out of the plunging neck of cut off shirt. Liam responds to her questions about how he’s doing and what his name is cooly, Guigs and Tony look at Liam in awe and Bonehead reaches to take one of the pints out of my hand. I set the glasses down loudly on the table, pulling the girl and Liam out of their ‘in depth” conversation, and smile stiffly at the girl.

“Hi! I’m Emma! You must be Noel, Liam was just telling me about your band! It’s so sweet that he let you join!”

I hear Bonehead laugh into his pint and Liam just smiles as he starts to drink his too. The girl is pissed, I can see it in her eyes, though I only make contact with those after having a generous glance at her chest. I sigh.

“I’m a lucky guy what can I say? Liam is just the kind of a lad.”

Guigs and and Tony finally start to full on laugh, Emma just smiles excitedly, she climbs into Liam’s lap and hugs Liam close to her chest. He cuddles into her.

“Awww!!!” She coos loudly.

The rest of us just laugh and drink our pints.

~~~~~

Later on in the night Liam and Emma decide they are going back to the bar, Emma says she wants another drink and pulls Liam along with her. At this point her novelty has worn off for me, she’s touching Liam all over, and her lipstick is smeared by his ear where she whispered things to him that made him smile. Liam’s drunk now too and his eyes are bright and lazy, and he grips her waist tightly. I watch them go over to the bar, laughing and putting their hands all over each other. I don’t know why it pisses me off, damn it yes I do. I just turn back to my pint and listen to the random shit tony and guigsy talk about, bonehead chiming in every one and a while to offer a drunken anecdote. None of them seem to notice I’m not talking all that much. I finish off my pint and stand up to go get another, when I turn around I don’t see Liam and Emma at the bar anymore, I look all around the room and when I finally spot them, they’re up against a wall near the snooker table snogging. And I feel a pain in my chest. Fuck. I quickly look away and head for my original destination, I get another pint and down the whole thing in one go. It hits me like a rush when I set the glass back down on the counter. Fuck. I look back to Liam and Emma and they have finally come up for air, Emma’s got her head in Liam’s neck and Liam is smiling looking around the room. He finally makes eye contact with me and gives me a nod. I nod back but when he looks away I head toward the door of the pub. I need some fucking air. I stand outside, near the door and realize I left the jacket I bought with me at our table. I'll just have to be cold then, because going back in there and seeing someone exploring our kid’s mouth isn’t something I think I can handle seeing again tonight. Honestly I feel weak. I told myself earlier today I wouldn't give a shit, but now here I am, running away from something any other brother wouldn’t care about. I feel sick, in every sense of the word.


	4. Love equals Loss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The new band's night out takes and turn, and Noel doesn't know if he can stand how he feels for much longer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well folks, I am back. Last chap I said I would post a chapter every two weeks and low and behold it has been a month...sorry about that I'm a mess, I'll try my best to not do that again. (writing a story I feel is good enough makes me scared to write, of course that's my problem but that's kinda one of the biggest reasons this chap took so long.) But without further ado here's the next chapter!

Liam  
Emma is so fucking soft and smooth wherever I touch her. That’s what I love most about birds, that and they smell nice. Like roses or oranges, at least my favorite ones have. I almost get lost in kissing her, but then I remember I didn't come here alone. I break the kiss with Emma and she puts her face in my neck, God she’s so warm. When I open my eyes I look toward the back of the pub, at our table, Guigs and Tony are laughing and Bonehead is asleep, probably bored of all the shit Tony and Guigs talk. But Noel is missing. I scan the room and find him by the bar, we lock eyes. I give him a nod and he nods back with a stiff smile on his face. That just makes me hold Emma tighter in my arms and look down at her, he’s always got a fucking stick up his arse. Probably jealous I’m gonna have it off tonight. When I look back up at the bar he’s gone, he’s not back at the table...Probably in the toilets...or he left. Emma starts talking to me again but I don't listen, all I can think about is that fucking smile Noel just gave me. He gives a shit again? What the fuck is up with him? Can he not be a jealous cunt for one fucking day? I hear Emma’s voice get higher and stop. Oh shit that must of been a question. I look back at her, she’s so clearly off her head and smiling at me, but my annoyance has made me feel more sober. “I said do you wanna come back to mine Liam?”. She looks so fucking perfect, but all I can think about is that cunt Noel. I kiss her long and deep and then look into her eyes,   
  
“I’ve gotta go. I’ll call you okay?”   
  
She gives me a confused look. I kiss her again just hoping she can tell I mean it,   
  
“I’m sorry, really.”   
  
And then I head toward the toilets. When I open the door I just see a really pissed guy leaned up against the wall smoking. We make eye contact and he snarls,   
  
“What the fuck do you want?”   
  
“Sorry mate, just looking for my brother.”   
  
“Well he’s not in here, so fuck off will ya?”   
  
I nod and close the door, not everyone is a laugh when they’re pissed I guess. I don’t see him anywhere else in the bar so I decide to check outside. But when I get to the door I forget what the hell I was so mad at Noel for and stop before I pull opened the door... Oh yeah, being a cunt, the usual, or maybe I’m just drunk enough to be in the mood for a meaningless fight? I open the door anyway.   
  
He’s standing right outside the pub doors, back turned toward them and far away enough not to block the doorway. Trying to be considerate? What a cunt, he can be considerate to everyone except me. I don’t see his face but I know it’s him, I know his stance anywhere. He’s smoking too of course. I walk toward him and he turns around before I can reach him, like he knows it’s me, fuck him always pulling some Darth Vader shite.   
  
“Noel why do you always fucking walk around here with a face like a slapped arse?”   
  
He blinks at me and continues smoking.   
  
“Can you fucking say something?”

  
I’m so fucking mad I push him, he clearly doesn't expect it and falls back onto the pavement. His fag falls out of his mouth into a puddle and he just looks at it and then back at me.  
  
“You gonna pay me back for that?”  
  
This just makes me more mad, but I don’t do anything but stare at him; because he still has a stern look on his face and I have no idea what it means or why he didn’t hit me back. I offer him my hand and I pull him up from the ground, and he brushes himself off  
  
“Noel really, are you mad at me or something?”  
  
He smiles that stiff smile again, “What would I be mad for?”  
  
I don’t answer, and he knows that means I don’t know what to say.  
  
“I thought you were going with that bird.”  
  
“Not tonight, I’m gonna call her though, I really like her.”  
  
Noel looks at the ground. That just makes me more confused.  
  
“Well let’s get going, we still have to drag the rest of the guys back to their places.”

  
I nod.

  
We round up the other three and start back to our homes, by the time it’s just me and Noel walking back to ours it’s about 2am. And he doesn’t look that tired, but he’s quiet. I glance at him as we pass under the street lamps. Since it’s so quiet all I can do is think. More specifically about why Noel is so fuckin wound up and mad at me but won’t tell me why, and why he keeps fucking staring at me. Why he acted like I wasn’t even talking to him when I asked him why he was mad. I really don’t get it. But Emma made him really react. Maybe I can bring her over and see what happens. Thinking about using her as bait makes me feel a bit ashamed, but my confusion is more powerful than my shame at this point. He’s hiding something and I need to know what.   
  
~~~~~   
Noel   
The sun is shining in my eyes as I wake and my head is beating like a drum. I sit up and see Liam still asleep. He turns over onto his back and his bedhead looks somehow perfect. I don’t know how Liam can look disheveled and pretty at the same time. I don’t understand it but I like it. But that’s my problem, I like it , I like him . Even when he got in my face last night I could only think about how he smelled, he was wearing some new cologne I’m sure he stole. My brain won't fucking shut off. I can’t stop thinking so much. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I need to go home, back to Louise. She always brings me back to earth. Because I can’t do this anymore, it hurts. Before I can change my mind I start collecting my clothes from the floor and pull my suitcase out of Liam’s closet. Mam must have heard because I hear a knock at the door.   
  
“Liam is that you messing about?”   
  
I feel guilty to be leaving now, “No it’s me mam, I’m just getting ready to leave.”   
  
She opens the door, and she has somber look on her face, I walk over to her and give her a kiss on the cheek, she gives a small smile.   
  
“Well then, if you’re leaving today you can at least stay for breakfast hm?   
  
I put my things down and make my way down stairs with her. She pours some cereal for the both of us and sits down. She puts her hand on my cheek and gives me a sad look.   
  
“I missed ya so much Noel.”   
  
“I missed you too mam. I just- I just think it’s time to get back to Louise, she’s probably missing me.”   
  
“I know darling, I know. Well we’ve gotten to have ya for two days I’d say that’s enough for now.”   
  
“I’m sorry mam, I wish I could stay longer.”   
  
“I understand Noel, it’s alright.”   
  
We both sigh and eat our cereal in silence for a bit, just enjoying each other’s company. Then we hear the squeaking of the stairs as someone descends them and mam gives me a knowing look. Liam appears shirtless in the doorway of the kitchen.   
  
“Why’d no one come get me for breakfast?”   
  
“We didn’t want to wake you dear, you looked very tired. But Noel has something to tell you.”   
  
Liam looks at me questioningly as he goes to pour himself a bowl of cereal too.   
  
“Liam I’m going back home.”   
  
He stops in his tracks and turns to look me right in the eye, I can see he’s trying to look unfazed but his eyes tell me the opposite.   
  
“Okay, goodbye.”   
  
Mam just sighs. I stand up and head toward our room again. And when I get to the top of the stairs I can hear Liam coming after me, but before I can even open the door, Liam is in my face.   
  
“Noel. Are you mad at me? Is that why you’re leaving?”   
  
I expected him to be mad but instead he looks disappointed. And it breaks my fucking heart. Because now I feel him in my heart, damnit. And that just makes me realize I have to get away from here as soon as possible. No matter how much it fucking hurts. It’s either I let myself sink into his eyes or I face facts, I can't do this. I can’t feel this. I can’t want him and I certainly can’t have him. And I can’t give in the hope that I ever could, no matter how many times my mind betrays me with thoughts of him.   
  
“Liam I’m not mad, I’m just- I have to go back home, to Louise. You and your band will be fine okay? If you just work on your songs and keep rehearsing, you guys might be lucky and-”   
“I’m not talking about that Noel.”   
  
“What then Liam?”

  
“You know what I’m talking about.”  
  
“Honestly I don’t, you’re being so fucking weird Liam can you quit it?”  
  
Liam’s sad face contorts into anger and he pushes our door opened and pulls me inside the room, slamming the door behind me. He points his finger into my chest.  
  
“Noel dont fuck with me okay? You’re being the fucking freak, staring at me all the time! And being mad all the time, are you on your fucking period mate!?”  
  
I push his hand away from my body, because him touching me is distracting,especially on my bare skin.  
  
“Calm the fuck down Liam, God!”  
  
“You’re calm all the fucking time and all it does is cause problems Noel!”  
  
“If you would act like a normal fucking person then we wouldn’t have any problems!”

  
Liam hangs his head in response, running his hand through his hair, I can feel goose bumps raise on my arms as I watch, wishing I could touch his hair. I feel lucky he’s not looking at me.  
  
“So we’re just not going to talk about this?”  
  
I turn away from him and pick up my suitcase from off of the floor, starting to pack again. I hear him huff.  
  
“Noel?”  
  
I stop packing and look back at him. A decision I instantly regret, as I see that his eyes are welling up with tears. Just like in that fucking dream. I feel dizzy at the familiar sight, and I forget all the walls I put up. I walk over to him.  
  
  
“Goddammit Liam, why are you such a fucking crybaby?”

  
He blinks and a tear rolls down his face. I can’t stand it.  
  
“Fuck Liam.”  
  
I give in and hug him. He hugs me back tightly. Even though I’m shorter than him he puts his head in my shoulder, and I can feel his hair by my ear. He looks so pretty when he cries, but it makes me sad too at the same time.  
  
“I’m going to miss you Noel.”  
  
“God Liam why do you have to fucking cry about everything, you’re 19 for god sakes.”  
  
I say this but I just hug him tighter. His bare chest is burning hot against mine, and he still slightly smells like his cologne from last night. Fuck.  
  
He finally pulls back from the hug, his nose is red at the tip and his eyes are still wet. I feel dizzy again.  
  
“Are you gonna miss me too?”  
  
“Liam- we’re not fucking children. It’s- I’m not going to the fucking moon.”  
  
“Noel.”  
  
“Liam.”  
  
He looks at me, those puppy eyes of his are back. Shit. I feel myself giving in again.  
  
“I’ll miss you too Liam. Okay? Does me saying that make you happy? You can even come and visit for fucks sake!”  
  
Liam’s eyes light up. I hold back my smile, because seeing the wrinkles by his eyes makes me inappropriately happy.  
  
“I knew it.”  
  
“Oh shut up.”

  
I turn back around and start packing my case again.  
  
“I’m gonna take you up on that offer you know.”  
  
I just roll my eyes.  
  
~~~~~  
Liam  
By the time Noel has his bags packed Mam is standing at the front door ready to dole out kisses. We all stand in the living room and Mam hugs Noel and tells him to call her as soon as he gets to his apartment, and that she loves him about a million times. It’s just like when he arrived. I just feel a lot less excited this time. Because this time it’s different. Things have changed. Noel has changed, he’s just hiding it. I look at him as he chats to Mam about routes. I miss him already.  
  
  
The cab’s out front now and he and I put his bags in the boot wordlessly. When he closes it we look at each other. Mam’s standing at the door, I know she’ll have my neck if I don’t say anything but bye, saying I should value him more. I decide all I can do is show him I’ll miss him like we did when we were kids. I give him a hug and a kiss on the cheek. He pats my back and gives me a stiff smile as he gets into the cab.  
  
“Bye Liam. Bye Mam!”  
  
She waves from the house and I close the cab door.  
  
Goodbye Noel. For now...  
  
~~~~~  
Noel  
The cab ride back to my and Louise’s flat feels long and maybe because it’s raining the entire trip. I feel like I’m in a fucking chick flick, where it starts to rain whenever the bad shit happens. The further I am away from mam’s house the more I feel being there was all part of some dream. I wish it was. Because then it wouldn't have fucking hurt when Liam closed the door of the cab. It wouldn't have taken all my strength not to turn and look back at him as I was driven away. And my skin wouldn't have tingled after he kissed me on the cheek.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> stay with me y'all I'm tryin' my hardest! Thanks for reading and the kudos xxx


	5. Kiss kiss bang bang

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (1991) Noel's back at home with Louise, but Liam has plans to drop by.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Its been a bit hasn't it? lol...But yah here's chapter 5. It's short but I feel like I should really just post what I've got since I've kept y'all waiting so long. But chapter 6 will be coming soon (and I mean it this time lol).
> 
> Also:  
> I took some liberties while talking about Louise here because I can't really find a pic of her, all I really know is "Married With Children" is about her and Noel moved in with her in ‘88 and they broke up in ‘94, so sorry abt that haha.

Noel   
I’m glad to be back in the city. The busy streets and lights make me feel excited. And safe somehow, no emotions pollute the streets, just people and noise, and I’d prefer that everyday to all these fucking emotions. When I finally get back to Louise and I’s shared apartment I feel hopeful, mostly that seeing her will expunge Liam from my mind. I knock on the door and Louise opens it, she smiles and I hug her, kissing her. Her lips are so soft, and she looks beautiful. Her dark brown hair is at her shoulders, I think she’s cut it since I’ve seen her, or so I remember from her mentioning it when we last talked on the phone. But I hug her tightly and she laughs, “Really missed me hm?”. I nod in response, she puts her hand against my chest and pushes me back to look me in the eyes, she’s wearing an annoyed expression, “Then you should’ve called while you were at your mam’s.” I immediately feel guilty, “ I’m sorry, I spent a lot of time babysitting Liam. I won't do that again I promise.”  I punctuate my promise with a kiss, she gives me a small smile and I know that means she’s saying I’m forgiven. I put down my bags in the apartment and we go back to the cab together and carry the rest back in silence. I can tell she thinks something is up but she doesn't say anything. Everyone but me seems to understand how I feel all of a sudden.   
  
~~~~~   
Liam   
As soon the cab is out of view of our street I’m hatching a plan to get back to him. Like some lost dog or something. I just can’t help the feeling that something is up, actually I know something is up, I just to need to fucking find it out. When I go back inside mam is in the kitchen making something for tea. I can smell what she’s making and I feel empty but not hungry. I feel like I have tunnel vision or something, and at the end of the fucking thing is my brother.   
  
By the time the sun goes down I have a plan. I’m going to go visit Noel, because he said I could, but I’ll bring Emma. It occurs to me that it might be weird to take a bird I’ve just met to see my brother, but for some reason I feel like she’ll be game. It’s an adventure right? Birds say they like spontaneous shit, there ya go. I call her up and she answers after a couple rings,   
  
“Hello?”   
  
“Hey Emma? This is Liam, we met last night?”

  
“Oh shit! I was just looking for your number, was I a proper slag last night?”  
  
This makes me smile, she has as good a sense of humor as I (kind of) remember.  
  
“Only in the best way.”  
  
“Oh fuck off!”  
  
We both laugh.   
  
“I was wondering if you wanna go someplace?”  
  
“Where?”  
  
“The city”  
  
“You got a School trip or something?”  
  
I suddenly remember again that she’s older than me, she said so at some point last night.   
  
“Yeah, Ms. Johnson said I’ve been good enough to go to the museum.”

She laughs again.   
  
“What are we gonna do?   
  
“Whatever you want.”   
  
“The cinema?”   
  
“Yeah, we can go see any fucking film you want.”    
  
There is silence over the line for a bit and I begin to get nervous.   
  
“Alright.”   
  
I smile again.   
  
“Meet me in the pub from last night tomorrow at 1:00 okay?”   
  
She giggles.   
  
“Okay, see you then.”   
  
“Bye bye.”   
  
“I already know you’re trouble Liam.”   
  
“Good.”   
  
I hang up.   
  
Noel’s gonna shit himself.   
  
~~~~~   
Noel   
Everything is perfect, I’m back with my Mrs. I’m laying in own my bed, and I’m home. But when I stare at our bedroom ceiling I feel, nothing. I can smell the clean sheets on the bed, I can hear Louise’s deep breaths as she sleeps, and hear all the sounds of the city outside our tiny room window. I’m all in my head again. I don’t know why I honestly thought I would stop thinking about his fucking eyes now that I’m not around him. They’re burned into my fucking brain, mostly because when I look in the mirror I see them staring back at me. And when I start to say her name sometimes I don’t know what name is coming after L. I need help.   
  
~~~~~~   
Noel   
The next morning the sunlight isn't blinding me as I comes through our window, there are curtains over it in fact. I dont remember those being there when I left, good thing too, I hate the fuckin hassle of “decorating”. If I can eat, sleep, and take a shit someplace, it’s good enough for me. Only birds care about how your fucking flat looks. She’s still asleep when I get up but I need a fag. I open the window to our balcony and look at our view; just a tiny backstreet, it’s still early so the only thing around are whatever creatures deem wheelie bins a nice place to stay. The nicotine clears my mind for a bit, but it occurs to me that I need something much stronger. I have this bloke I go to for weed, but no doubt Louise has some already. Now leaving home is looking a lot less shitty. Louise gets up around midday and makes me breakfast, she doesn't usually but I think she can still tell something’s up. It’s just too bad that a couple of sausages won't fix how fucked up in the head I am.    
  
By the time we’re done with breakfast I know for sure I need a fucking spliff.   
  
“Lou?”   
  
“Noel?”   
  
“You got any shit on you?”    
  
Louise just gives me a look, she walks toward the bathroom and I follow. She opens the cabinet and pulls out a small jar of pot.   
  
“You know I love you right?”   
  
She laughs, “Shut up Noel.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chap 6 is cominggg (I promise).


	6. No Pain, No Gain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The day that Liam finally sets off on his mission to surprise Noel at his flat both Liam and Noel get something they didn't expect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> back. had a crazy past couple of months. im here and ready to write. at least trying to. xx
> 
> ps: kewl factoid, "Let There Be Love" used to be a song called "It's A Crime" (but when it was finally finished Noel changed the name to "Let There Be Love") it's in this chapter because Noel wrote it before the first album (i'm pretty sure, correct me if I'm wrong tho) and it was very applicable to this story haha. But that's why Noel calls that song by that name, even though it has the same lyrics as "Let There Be Love".

Liam  
After tea I go and stand around outside the pub from other night. It’s only midday and people are sitting inside the pub, not that I’m surprised. I’m not there for long before I see Emma walking down the pavement toward me, as soon as I notice her I start to smile. God she’s fit, her long blond hair looks soft, and she’s got a amazing pair of tits. Those I can remember. I fucking love when birds wear vests. She finally walks right up to me and hugs me and gives me a kiss on the cheek.

“That’s all?”

She rolls her eyes.

“Oh shut up Liam.”

“I’ve known you all of two days and we’re already having a row.”

This makes her laugh and I laugh when she does. But after she looks at me and just smiles. We stand in one spot and stare at each other for a while actually, she’s got light brown eyes and it kinda fucks with my head that I actually notice. I can't remember my first proper girlfriend's eye color, not even mine sometimes.

God she’s beautiful.

Shit, I think I’ve finally turned into a fucking girl. Next I’ll be saying I love her or something.

“Ready to go?”

I just smile. She hooks her arm in mine, the way that girls do in films. And we start walking in the direction she just came in. We’re not that far before she speaks again.

“You got money for the train?”

“Oh shit.”

She stops in her tracks and looks at me, “Liam dont tell me you’re fucking skint.”

I pull £20 out of my pocket and shake it in her face, “Just messin’”

I jump out of her reach before she can smack me.

“Liam!”

When I finally stop dodging her hands she laughs again.

“We can’t just mess about all day Liam, lets go!”

She grabs my arm again and we get down to the train station. I buy a pair of tickets to Oxford Road station and we find our seats on the train. She wants to sit by the window, to watch everything fly by. I kind of like that. So I just watch her as she watches the stuff outside the window.

“Hey Liam?”

“Yeah _Emma_?”

How I say her name makes her mouth quirk up into a smile.

“When’s your band’s next show? I wanna know what it’s really like to be with a real band. Also what the hell is your name again?”

“Well since you seem like a such a big fan, we’re called Oasis, came up with the name myself, the guys in the band used to be called The Rain before I joined, shit name, so I said we should change it and they agreed. And I don't know when our next gig is, soon though I think.”

“Yeah I think something like “Missionary” is a cool name for a band.”

“That name would make us sound like a bunch of freaks.”

“What’s wrong with that?”

“Birds don’t like freaks.”

“That’s not true.”

“How do you fucking know that?”

“Cause I’m here with you ya fucking knob.”

God, I think she might be a bit mental...I’m in love.

  
~~~~~  
Noel  
We’re sat on the couch when Louise passes me the spliff for the third time, and I think I’m in heaven. This is the best shit I’ve had in awhile. I set it on the ashtray and climb over her, kissing her on the neck.

“God I fucking love you you know that?”

She laughs, “You high or fucking randy?”

“Both.”

We start to kiss and my hands go straight to her breasts. Perfect. She’s fucking warm and perfect. I open my eyes and break the kiss, pulling her on top of me. Perfect. She moves down my chest and runs her hands down it. As I close my eyes and lay back on the arm of the couch she slowly unzips my pants, when a hand finally slips into my boxers I lazily open my eyes. I see Liam standing against the wall behind Louise and my breath stops in my throat. I wanna know what the fuck is in this shit. Louise hears me and looks up, her face asking if I’m okay. I just give her a slow nod and she goes down on me again. But when she closes her eyes again I just stare at the wall, and Liam is smirking at me. And I stare at the Liam my mind has conjured up and I climax embarrassingly quick. Louise looks impressed with herself and I feel dirty as soon as the afterglow fades. She smiles at me and sits back on the couch, and we continue watching telly. Fuck. God I feel fucking disgusting. I think I might need something stronger.

~~~~~

Liam  
When we finally arrive at the city center we’re both laughing about something, and when I look at her I can’t really remember what it was. I think she’s perfect. She walks before me as we get off the train, the way her hair falls onto her back. Perfect. But when we get further into town we pass a music shop, and there’s a guitar in the window. It looks like the one Johnny Marr has. Noel loves The Smiths. Fuck. Noel. That’s why I’m here too.

Emma, funnily enough turns out to be a proper nerd and says we should go to the Art Museum. Now I really feel like I’m on a school trip, but she’s fit and smarter than any bird I’ve met so I agree. We walk in and I immediately feel out of place. Emma looks at me and grabs hold of my hand pulling me along, like she knows I need some sort of guidance in this weird place, it helps.

She lets go after a while and I sit and watch her look at the paintings and sculptures, she seems to see some shit beneath the surface. I don’t see much but splatters of paint on those big pieces of paper, which Emma calls “canvas”. Looks like a fucking piece of paper to me but whatever she says is probably right. She paces in front of a couple paintings then stands real still, she looks back at me and smiles.

“What?”

“It’s like we’re in ‘Ferris Bueller’s Day Off’ right?”

“Fuck I hadn’t thought of that.”

She smiles. Before I can think I’m standing beside her looking at the painting. She looks at me.

“What do you think?”

“That I don't have a fucking clue what this is supposed to be.”

“Neither do I.”

“Well fuck Emma I thought you were proper smart!”

Emma laughs as some of the other people in the museum glare at us. I just smile.

“You wanna know why I’m really standing here staring at this fucking thing?”

“Why’s that?

“Because I wanted to tell you you're fucking fit and smart and I wanna do more of whatever this is again.”

“You want to go out again?”

“Well, yeah.”

“I’ll think about it.”

“I knew you were secretly evil.”

“I couldn't hide it for long Liam.”

We just smile at each other.

~~~~~

Noel  
Louise ends up having to go into work, even though she was supposed to be off today. So I get the pleasure of unbearable fucking silence in our flat so all I can think about my fucking brother. Blue eyes. And all of Liam’s dreams that I felt I had once. Then out of absolutely nowhere I know I have to write something down. I go into our bedroom and pick up my acoustic. I strum a couple of chords and with them words come too, I think they were buried deep in my head, well not that deep.

 _Come on, baby blue_  
_Shake up your tired eyes, the world is waiting for you_  
_May all your dreaming fill the empty sky_  
_But if it makes you happy, keep on clapping_  
_Just remember I'll be by your side_  
_And if you don't let go, it's gonna pass you by_

And I circle “baby blue” till I couldn't see it anymore on the paper, and all I can think is I'm probably going to hell at this point. So I just write “It’s A Crime” at the top of the paper and shoved it into my sock drawer. It was half socks and half random scraps of paper, so these new lyics fit right in in there.

_Come on, baby blue_

Blue, it always come back to those fucking blue eyes. If I thought I could fucking escape those things I’m being more of an idiot than usual, because you can't escape the shit in your head. Unless you find a way to block it out...And that’s nothing some coke can't fucking fix.

~~~~~  
Liam  
The sun's gone down and me and Emma know we’re gonna get fucking pissed tonight. I told her I knew a place we could crash. I’m almost as fucking excited to turn up at Noel’s place as I am to get pissed with Emma.

We walk around until we see a club with a line that doesn't look too long and doesn't cost to much to get into, then get into the queue. I put in an effort since I was going to see Emma and so did she so we both thought we had a good chance of getting in. When we get past the bouncer the sound of the place hits us. It's loud and full of people and smells like sweat and lager, I fell like I'm right at home.

Noel  
It’s 10 when I finally leave the flat, and Louise wouldn’t be getting home til late but I know I need to get something to shut off my brain. So I called my guy, Craig, and he told me to meet him outside this club he’s bouncer at. I’d been to it a couple times, because Louise had dragged me along with her friends and their boyfriends. When I get there I slip around the back. I pay him and he gives my a small bag of coke, all I could afford honestly, and after it disappears into my nose I know I need to get into that club and get pissed out of my fucking mind as soon as humanly possible. Craig lets me in, he tells me that he's in a “generous mood” that night, the fucking cunt. I didn't know if it was the coke but as soon as I get in the place it was shaking and I felt like I could feel the vibrations in my chest. I make my way through all the bodies to the bar and yell over the music for a drink. While I stand and wait this girl clearly sizes me up and smiles at me while doing so, she's not a complete trainwreck but she also its fit either. But I just give her a nod and she grabs my hand and drags me across the dance floor. With my drink still in my hand, she pushes herself flush up against me and moves along to the song. When I finish my beer she actually started looking fit oddly enough. Then I notice her eyes were blue, and start to think about Liam, and I know that's my cue to leave, or atleast get another drink. I give her a stiff smile and move away from her, she frowned at first, but when some other guy grabs her she forgets I ever existed. I get back to the bar and I have a couple more drinks, and finally I’m blissfully numb. Thank fuck for that.  
I watch the mass of people move on the dance floor a bit, my face surely with a lazy smile on it and I realize I need a fucking piss. When I head toward the toilet I see another guy doing the same, fuck I hope he isn’t one of those fucking guys who stands at the urinal right next to you even if they don’t have to. I walk in and there’s a couple so there’s no need to worry about an awkward situation. That is until he does stand next to me, and fucking looks at me with a smile.

“Hello mate.”

I just ignore him.

“Did you hear me? I said hello.”

“Yeah I fucking heard you, now you wanna shut the fuck up so I can take a piss?”

“Nope, I wanted to know if you wanted me to fuck you.”

I promptly zip my fly and give him the dirtiest fucking look I think I have ever given someone in my life. And when I finally look at him in the eye he looks high as fuck and drunk as fuck, I have no idea how he made it to the toilet honestly he looks so off his head. He’s got blonde hair and it’s curly and falling into his eyes and when he pushes it away and his eyes were ice blue, I didn't know if they were real for a second. But he has this smug smile on his face and it just makes me even angrier.

“What the fuck did you just say to me?”

“I think you heard me.”

He zips his fly too.

I push him into a stall door.

“If you go around saying shit like that to people you’re gonna get a slap mate.”

He smiles and laughs at my anger,

“Sounds good to me.”

I loose my grip on his shirt and give him a confused look, also I don’t want to fight...I have a habit of losing.

“I saw you and I knew you wanted someone to. I just figured it could be me.”

“I don’t know what you fucking think you saw but that wasn’t it, so fuck off mate.”

I turn to go and he calls out.

“Hey you didn't wash your hands.”

“I’d rather have grimy hands than talk to a bellend like you.”

When I come out of the toilet I stand still and find myself looking at my feet, that is until someone tells me to move out of the way. What the fuck just happened? Why did that fucking guy think I wanted someone to fuck me? And why did he think I would want to fuck him? Should I stop wearing button downs? I’m sending the wrong messages? Wait how is a button down sending the message that I want to get fucked by a guy? I don’t know what the fuck is going on but I know I have to get back to the flat, and get the fuck away from this place. Because all I can think about was what I would say if Liam said the same thing, and gave me that same smug fucking look. That maybe I'd actually agree...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me if I made mistakes, I'm sure I made some since i finished this chapter at 3:30am lol. Also tell me if the formatting is okay for ya'll, having everything so spaced out was annoying for me but idk if how close it is now is bad too.


	7. The Road to Perdition

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Liam finally gets back to Noel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hehehhe

 

Liam

I’m sat at the bar waiting for Emma to come back from the toilets, she said she had to powder her nose or something. Fuck if I know what that means, but I’m meant to get the drinks in. And I do, I just don’t pay for ‘em.

Some idiot paid and walked away. So when the bartender finishes their drinks and sets them down on the bar its our lucky fucking day. The drinks are two martinis. Normally I would take this piss out of any bloke who even held one of these fucking things, but when it’s a free drink what it looks like makes no fucking difference, at least not to me. So I drink the one I decide is mine all in one go. Vodka. It’s pure fucking vodka, this girl knew how to party for damn sure. I almost down the other one but Emma appears out of nowhere and grabs the other.

“Where did you get these Liam?”

“Some fucking idiot left ‘em." 

Emma looks at me and laughs, quickly downing her drink too, without batting an eye. A girl after my own heart.

“How do we get some more though?”

 She grins at me, a mischievous grin if I ever saw one.

 “Wait here.”

She goes and sits at the bar, throwing her hair over her shoulder. If I saw her alone at a bar looking like that I’d buy her a fucking drink for sure. Not a second later a guy comes up to her, she smiles sweetly, not like how she smiles at me obviously, she doesn't mean it with this fucking knob. She laughs at whatever fucking stupid things he’s saying and he buys her a drink. When he looks away she nods at me to come over. Oh so _this_ is the plan.

“Hey mate what the fuck are you doing talking to my bird?”

He turns around and looks scared.

“Oh sorry I didn’t mean it-I didnt--”

I just glare at him. He gets up and walks away quickly, forgetting his drink on the bar. Emma smiles and I lean in and kiss her I’m so fucking impressed. She looks surprised at first, but she wraps her arms around me and kisses me back. Just like the fucking last time, and it’s just as good if not better. Fuck I think I love her, and I think she’s pretty impartial to me too. When we finally pull away we’re both breathing hard and her lipstick is kind of smugged. She smiles before taking the napkin from under her drink and wiping my lips then her own with the other side.

As the night goes on we steal more drinks and somehow get invited to join a group of blokes on a stag night, who seem to be doing an endless amount of shots. It’s not long before we’re on the dance floor stuck between a ton of people skin to skin, snogging until we couldn't feel our fucking faces. We end up in the ladies toilets grinding up against each other, she has her hands in my pants when someone bursts into the stall, the only one that was not fucking disgusting, and they stop in their tracks and stare like a deer in fucking headlights. Emma screams and runs out of the toilet, I just glare at the girl while I button my trousers. It’s just my fucking luck. Mam once walked in on me with a bird, never got to shag her in the end.

I catch up to Emma and she says she wants to go.

“Where?”

“Liam you said you knew someone’s place we could crash at!”

 

I remember and start laughing my fucking tits off, Noel. That fucking bellend Noel. I hug her close to me and we leave the club out of the back door. As we walk down the pavement we hold each other up and laugh about nothing; stopping every once and awhile when we get distracted by buildings, or the sky, or each other. But somehow I lead us to Noel’s apartment. I start laughing as soon as I go up the steps, turning around shushing Emma. I tell her to wait at the bottom of the steps.

“It’s going to be a surprise!”

Before I can knock a huge bloke opens the door.

“What’s with all the fucking noise?”

“Noel you’ve really gotten big since yesterday! Isn’t that fucking mental Emma?”

She nods and laughs, nearly falling onto the pavement.

“Kid you need to get off my step, or I’m going to make you!”

“Calm down mate you have no fucking sense of humor!”

I start laughing again and about one second later his fist connects with my jaw. I see stars, and I hear the door slam shut. When I finally open my eyes Emma’s kneeling beside me, but Louise is too.

“Hey Louise!”

“Liam what are you doing here?”

“I’ve come to visit!”

“Here’s some advice: next time you visit someone, don’t turn up fucking pissed and get in a fight.”

“That’s really fucking smart, I knew there was a reason Noel liked you Louiseee.”

Emma has an apologetic but also entertained look on her face.

“Sorry.”

Me and Emma say this at the same time and she ends up on the pavement right beside me laughing. Louise rolls her eyes and pulls us both up off of the pavement.

“Come in okay? You might be fucking annoying but I’m not going to let you get lost or something finding your way back home.”

“You’re the best Louise you know that?”

Louise is smiling at this point,

“Yes Liam I know. Now come on.”

 

~~~~~

Liam 

Emma and I are sitting on the couch and Louise sets two glasses of water in front of us. She gives Emma and I a stern look and we both down the water quickly. But I realize I haven’t seen Noel. 

“Where’s Noel?”

“He was in bed when I got back from work about 30 minutes ago, and I was _trying_ to sit down and eat. But you two idiots came along and ruined it. But honestly he sleeps so hard he probably didn’t even stir." 

“Oh. Well I need the toilet, I’ll be right back.”

 “Don’t wake him up Liam.”

 “Why would I do that?”

 Louise gives me a knowing look and I just smile. I do actually go take a piss, and it helps me feel a bit less drunk, but I still feel like I have nothing to lose. I knock on the bedroom door with a smile, and when I open the door and Noel is sitting up on the bed smoking, I’m not sure what until the smell of weed hits me hard, he doesn't turn from facing the window. The only light in the room is coming from the window and I can see the outline of his body, the smoke from his spiff, and his insane bedhead.

 

“Louise what was happening outside?”

 I don't respond.

 He finally turns around and I can see a look of surprise flash in his eyes, he masks it quickly though.

 “What are you doing here Liam?”

 “Come to see you. You said I could visit so here I am.”

 “Liam.”

By the tone of his voice I can tell he knows I’m pissed, he always talks like this when I am. All quiet and careful. Maybe because he always had to put me to bed after I came in late at night smelling like lager and cigarettes. His voice reminded me of mam. I remember I used to ask him to sit with me on those late nights, because after the fun was over and it was quiet and dark I would think of sad shit. And after he made sure I took off my shoes and drank some water he would come sit on the edge of my bed and hum a song. And we would never talk about it the next morning.

Now I can’t help but repeat myself because it’s too quiet, and I’m worried maybe he could hear my thoughts,

“You said I could come to visit.”

He gets up and starts to walk over to me.

“I brought Emma too.”

I regret saying that the second it comes out of my mouth, because Noel stops right in his tracks. I came here to see how he would react if I was with her. Now I know. And I still don't understand.

 

~~

Noel

“I brought Emma too.”

I feel hazy already but that makes me feel sick. Hearing him talking about her.

“Great.” Is all I can say.

I know he knows I hate it, hearing about her.

“You have Louise I don't get why you’re so jealous. Emma is fit but so is Louise, like fuck Noel I don’t get it.”

“It’s not about--”

“Noel you make no fucking sense.”

I put my spliff in an ashtray and walk closer to him and he stands still and looks down at me with a questioning look.

“Liam.”

“Noel?”

I feel even more dizzy when he says my name, so I just close my eyes and whisper.

“I don’t want them. Either of them.”

I open my eyes and he’s staring at me, still confused.

“What are you on abo--”

I give him a hard look, and his eyes grow very big. Blue, blue, blue.

“Are you cheating on Louise?!”

I shove him into the door and turn around, walking back toward the window. He looks startled and walks up to me

“You could have told me instead of being so fucking weird about it Noel.”

I just look at him, he makes a confused face again.

“Noel, it’s something else isn’t it.”

“What fucking clued you into that!? You’re a fucking idiot Liam, God I fucking hate you. Just leave okay?”

“Noel, we’re going to figure this out today and you’re going to tell me what the fuck is going on with you. I want to know.”

“You really don't Liam.”

“Fucking try me!”

I stare at him,

“I give up.”

“On what--”

I grab his face lean in and kiss him. He freezes and when I pull back he looks like he just saw a ghost, he steps back and has his back up against the door again.

“What the fuck Noel! Is that what you fucking meant?! ‘I don’t want them?’ You sick fuck!”

I just stand there and let him yell at me, he’s still got a horrified look on his face when he finally stops speaking.

“I’m sorry.”

I sit back down on the bed and grab my spliff again, we just stare at each other. For what seems like an hour. I finish smoking and I walk over to the door, he seems to be waiting for me to dismiss him, or to explain, or to cry or something. So I decide I’ll open the door so he can leave, since he can’t seem to understand that he can. It’ll be easier when he leaves too, so I can feel my shame in private, because he’s not going to see my cry. Because I can feel like shit for a bit and we’ll pretend it never happened and he’ll go along with it. I just need this moment to end so we can forget it ever happened. He stops me from opening the door.

“Do you really want me? Like that?”

I avoid his eyes as best I can because him saying that makes it real, and none of this is real.

“Noel.”

“Don’t--just don’t say anything, this never happened, I know I’m sick, I hate myself already, just please leave.”

He grabs me and hugs me.

“What are you doing Liam?”

“Shut up.”

And he just hugs me. He smells like sweat and alcohol and I hate it and love it. Kind of like how I feel about him. He lets go and I smile and I go to open the door again. That’s when he kisses me. And I stop breathing. And I see stars.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is kinda short but I'm going to make the next chapter longer for sure.


	8. Teaser for next chaper

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Teaser**

Noel

When I open my eyes I’m standing stark still, and I see Liam has a petrified look on his face as he pulls away. I can see the cogs turning in his head.

 

“Liam did you just, kiss me?”

 

“Noel I got punched in the fucking head, how are you the one imagining things?”

 

“Liam don't fuck with me.”

 

“I really don't know what you're on about. You told me you’ve got some sick fucking thoughts and I didnt give you can slap because I couldn’t hate you if I fucking tried. That’s all, don't make shit up Noel.”

 

“Liam.”

 

“Noel.”

 

“I’m gonna go now. My fucking  _ girlfriend  _ is in the living room. I don’t know why the fuck I would be snogging you over a fit bird like Emma. But I’m not going to hold it against you Noel okay? I know I’m fucking mint.”

 

He puts a hand on my shoulder and I look him in the eyes. I can see right through him.

 

The Gallagher brothers: if we could win gold medals for lying to ourselves, we’d win a shitload.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Brownie points for anyone who knows what the last line is in reference to haha


	9. A Line For A Secret?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of surprising events.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before u read, let me just say I'm srry for whats gonna happen in this chapter lol, and secondly that I disappeared. I've been preparing and doing a lot to go study in the UK. I arrived in January and I've been doing stuff since then so I've not been writing. But being here (and visiting Manchester) really put some ideas back in my head. I was gonna post a shorter chapter just to do it bc I felt bad on my bday, but I waited for this one to come to me and its a good length and I like it better. I'm responsible for typos so srry if there are any. (Also if the spacing annoys you just know it annoys me too lol, I tried dude but it didn't wanna cooperate) But I hope u like it, and thanks for the kudos and comments x

Noel  
I open my eyes and Liam’s standing in front of me.

“I brought Emma too.”

I give him what I think is a dazed smile but by his reaction I can tell I look startled.

“Noel are you okay? The fuck was in that joint? 

I stand wide eyed and still. I can’t -I don’t know what just happened. I think. I think I’ve finally lost it.

“I think I just had a hallucination or something.”

“Sounds fucking cool what about?!”

“It was more like a nightmare.”

“Oh. Okay whatever, I brought Emma. Thought you were down for a visit from the one and fucking only!”

He has such a smug fucking look on his face. I know that’s just because he thinks he’s clever. But somewhere in the back of my mind I think he knows. He can tell.

“Liam you have to leave.”

“What the hell Noel I just got here?!”

I can’t even have him in this room. I can’t breathe, I can’t-

“I’ll buy you a bus, train, whatever kind of ticket you need just please go.”

He makes a confused face, and lets out a huff.

“Okay, whatever.”

He walks back toward the door and I breathe a sigh of relief...I can legitimately say I’ve never been so scared in my life. Then he looks back at me, he always looks back twice, like some kid. His eyes travel down to my crotch and his face breaks out in a grin.

“Doesn’t look like it was a nightmare to me.”

And he slams the door closed. No doubt to annoy me. But I look down and I can feel my face get hot. I have a very obvious erection. I’ll have to put this down as the worst day of my life. I stand in the dark and listen to Louise walk him and Emma out, and the sound of money changing hands. I can’t go on like this anymore. I can’t handle it. I can’t just full on hallucinate about kissing my fucking brother.

 ...

I just need to breathe. Act like a fucking adult.

I’m into blokes.

Pure and simple.

I must be, or else I wouldn't be thinking about them this way. Well I say “them” but it’s **Liam** , not men in general. But it _can’t_ just be Liam. And even if I just wanted him...it couldn’t happen. I just need to find some other guy, maybe one with blue eyes...

Because if I’m going to be fucking gay then I need to be gay far away from Liam Gallagher.

And hope I don’t turn into that bellend in the bathroom.

  
~~~~  
Liam  
Emma and I sit close on the bus back, her head on my shoulder and my head on top of hers.  
  
This feels like a fucking mystery now. I feel like Doctor Sherlock or something. Or, you know, who ever does detective shit. But I’m not that sure what to do now. What the fuck is going to make Noel stop acting like a complete dick and tell me what the hell is wrong with him?

 ...

Emma’s starting to snore.. God I think she’s the one.

 ...

I think.

I don’t know what the fuck’s going on really. How I feel about using her as an excuse to see my brother. That’s shitty. Or that I forget she’s there when Noel’s around. When he’s saying sarcastic shit but meaning he loves me. He never says he loves me. He’d say “he’s not mam so why would he? But in the back of my head I always hear that saying “actions speak louder than words." And he _acts_ like he loves me. But I don’t know if this whole thing with him acting like a freak has to do with love.

That’s stupid. That doesn’t even make sense.

But the only time I see Noel actually show some emotion is when he feels something for someone. Like when he met Louise. He turned into an absolute idiot, tripping over his words n shit. Smiling all the time. But now it seems like he’s somewhere else. And when he looks at me he’s okay. Something must have happened in America. I think I just remind him of home or something. Which I think is a good thing. But I also think I’d be disappointed if that’s the reason he’s acting this way. And I don’t know why. But nothing else makes sense...God, when did I turn into such a fucking idiot?

  
~~  
I wake up the next morning and my head hurts, again...I should lay off the fucking booze. But I _should_ do a lot of fucking things shouldn’t I? Doesn’t mean I will.  
  
I get dressed and head over to Bonehead’s place, we’re meant to sit and write some songs today. We figured real professionals had “writing sessions”, you know like Lennon and McCartney. It could've been me and noel... if he hadn’t decided he hated me. Or that it was better to push me away than have me around and actually feel something about it. Sometimes I having dreams about Noel and I ruling the fucking world. The Gallagher brothers changing everything. Me singing and Noel writing the songs. And be together like we’re supposed to be, we work better that way, together. He knows we do. Bonehead’s standing outside having a smoke when I get there, his missus doesn’t let him smoke inside, poor cunt.

  
“Liam!!!”  
  
“I didn’t know you were introducing me to the whole fucking neighborhood Bonehead.”

He just laughs. He’s on something _for sure_.

“The fuck did you take mate?”

He smiles hard.

“Just a little coke.”

I can’t help but smile. Lad’s fucking mental.

“What kind of fucking idiot takes coke at half 3 in the afternoon?”

“A top lad like myself obviously. Want some?”

...I cant help thinking of what I _should_ be doing again.

Fuck that. Fuck _thinking._

“Yeah sounds good.”  
  
~  
By 9pm we’re rolling around on the fucking floor of bonehead’s living room, drunk and high off our arses.

  
“I love you mate.”

“You’re high.”

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome Liam”

God I love everything. This carpet. This carpet is great.

“Hey! Hey! Bonehead!”

“Hey! Hey! Liam, what?”

“You think if you got someone to take coke they would tell you what they were really thinking?”

“You just fucking said you loved me so I think so.”

“Was I supposed to lie?! You’re a proper good mate! But seriously?”

 “I mean probably.”

“Well I’ve got fuckin work to do!”

“The fuck are you on about?”

 “Where did you get this shit?”

“Some guy Guigs knows.”

“Got his number?”

 I think this is the point where they say “the game is afoot”...or some shit like that.

~~~~

Noel

I need a fucking job. Something to get me out of the flat and out of my head as well. You know what would be a fucking laugh? Working at that bar from the other night! I could even punch that piece of shit from the toilets if he comes in! As I sit on the couch I really consider it. That and if giving that bloke a slap is all I’d want if I saw him again. His blue eyes. They were ridiculously blue. And his fucking hair, I wonder if he’d let me--  
  
The phone rings.

I let it, because I really don’t know if I could handle it if it was Liam at the moment. It beeps and goes to voicemail.

“Hey Noel.”

Fuck. I’m seriously going to consider blocking Liam from calling...but that means I’d block mam’s calls too....Guess I’m stuck with the possibility of his calling my flat at any fucking time. Shit.

“Last night was fucking crazy.”

_Is that his way of saying sorry for driving me insane? No, I doubt it._

“I was wondering if you wanna go on a night out with the guys from the band?”

  _Nope._

“Bonehead’s got some good shit.”

_Hm?_

“Come on, just a couple lines and you can go back to doing whatever the fuck a boring cunt like you does all day hm?”

_Maybe._

“I know you’re there idiot.”

_I’ll think about it._

“...I’ll see you tonight, same place as yesterday at 1.”

_Still thinking._

“Stop overthinking it and just fucking come. See you later.”

The phone clicks.

 _A couple lines won't hurt right?_  
  
~~~  
Liam  
As I get ready to go I’m nervous, I don't know why though. Because I know Noel does coke. I knew he wouldn't be able to resist, the fucking idiot. And he’s going to tell me everything I want to know. I just want to hear him say it. That him looking at me that way means something. A line for a secret hm?

~~~

Noel

Why am I doing this? Because of the coke. Maybe if I just do a line and fuck off Liam won't be able to get inside my head? That or I just physically stop myself from being around Liam. Like some fucking pervert. God when did I start wanting fucking 19 year olds? Or caring if they were full of fucking fire. That they can do absolutely anything...and he’s fucking beautiful and he wants everything as much as I do. That he can fucking rule the world like I never could. And the fact that I would write songs every day for the rest of my life so Liam can sing them and say everything in between the lines. I feel like a fucking talent scout... “what potential!”, “He’s got that _it factor_ !”. Proper weird that is, doesn’t make those statements any less true, but they’re weird anyway. Maybe he could just be my experiment. Maybe I can fucking take Oasis _there_. Because I know Liam is mad for it. I’ll tell him. That he is in fact mine to command. Because I can’t just fucking stand back and let him slip away, with someone who doesn’t actually care about him, and will try to fuck him over. In fact, he needs me, I’m the only person he can trust. He needs me as much as I need him. And I really need him.

~~~

Liam

My ears are burning as soon as I enter the club. Someone’s been talking shit I guess. That or I’m already off my fucking head and ready to find out the big secret. When the rest of the guys see Noel we wave him over to where we’re standing at the bar. Noel looks good. His hair is still long, of course, and he’s wearing a button down and jeans. This cunt fucking tried. Bonehead moves toward Noel with his coke fueled smile after we all order drinks. Fucking perfect.

“Knew you’d fucking show.”

“I’m sure you did Liam.”

I can’t help but roll my eyes, he always finds a way to be fucking cheeky.

“Toilet?”

Noel has a small smile on his face.

“Yeah.”

 

~~~

Noel

Bonehead gives Liam the small bag of coke and we both walk toward the toilets. And I see him. The guy. Blue eyes, blonde curly hair falling onto his face. He walks out of the toilets with a smug smile and a bloke walks out quickly behind him zipping his trousers and splitting off from him as fast as humanly possible. He looks up and clearly sees me, his smirk grows bigger. I turn away quickly and walk closely behind Liam. As we walk by he very clearly bumps into Liam’s shoulder on purpose. Liam responds quicker than I can say anything to stop them conversing.

“Watch where the fuck you’re going mate.”

“Oh sorry about that mate, just trying to get through.”

Liam just rolls his eyes and keeps walking. I know he’s weighed the options, coke or a fight?, and his priorities are clear. Almost like he’s on a fucking mission. Well so am I, I guess. On a mission of making Liam see what he could actually be, or at least find a way to get him to let me stick around long enough to watch him realize it. 

~~~

Liam

When we make it to the toilets we both squeeze into the stall and I open the baggie. I offer it to Noel and watch him scoop some up with his little finger and breathe it in his nose like a fucking pro. When he looks back up he’s smiling.

Tonight is going to be fucking mental.

~~~

Liam

This is the best fucking idea I’ve ever had. We’re all swaying on the dance floor now, Noel is smiling like a fucking idiot. I’ve gotta get him alone now. I walk over to him dancing with some bird, and neither of them look like they even know where they are. I grab him by the arm and he perks up when he realizes he’s being pulled in a different direction.

All of the lads are downing drinks like fucking teenagers, we need to do this more often, if only for the stories.

“Hey Noel?”

“What Liam? Oh wait, I need to talk to you.”

“That’s fucking weird I need to...to.”

Noel kind of looks smug. Idiot. 

We walk outside, so we can actually hear each other speak. There’s a bench nearby and we both sit, I pull my legs up and put them on Noel’s lap. Weirdly he doesn’t push them off like he always does...

“Hey Liam. I just wanted to tell you. I want to be in Oasis, for real this time. I think we could do something really fucking cool.”

I can’t help but feel shocked, he wanted to be as far away from me as possible yesterday and now we’re fucking best buddies. Guess I got what I wanted...I guess.

“How do I know it’s not going to end up like last time?”

He just huffs out a laugh

“You don’t.”

“I fucking hate you you know that?”

“The feeling’s mutual you twat.”

We just stare for a minute. His eyes are still shining, but I don’t know how much longer until he comes down. This is some cinderella shit, when the clock strikes it all goes back to normal, whatever the hell that means.

I offer him another hit. He takes it with a small smile, and when he leans his head back on the bench I know it’s hit him. When he faces me again he looks like he’s going to fucking explode with happiness. I take a hit and he and I both start to laugh.

“Liam.”

“What?”

He stands up and grabs my arm. This is going to be interesting.

“We’re going.”

“Where?”

“Everywhere.” 

I just roll my eyes and let him pull me along. We walk for a while, the sky is black though blotted with light from the city. Noel looks blissed out, if I look as fucking happy as he does I’m sure people will think we’re mad. He lets go when we come across a chip shop, I stop him before he goes in.

“Noel, I need to ask you something.”

“After we get some chips yeah?”

I can feel a stiff smile come across my face, god I’m turning into him. Thinking about everything too much, like I know he does but always tries to conceal. It’s not over, I can feel it. I have him, but I don’t _have_ him. I don’t know why but I want more.

 

~~~

Noel

Chips, chips, chips. That’s all I hear in my head. No, cheesy chips, that’s even better. God I love chips, they’re the best. Like my brother. My big brother, I love him. Good lad. I never see that shithead around though... Paul....Oh yeah! CHIPSSSS.

“Noel.”

Liam’s being annoying now. Well, no more than usual. I order chips and we walk back out in the street, god I’ll burn my mouth if I eat these straight away. Ha! Straight!

“Noel.”

“Yes what is it Leeeum?”

“What’s been up with you lately?

This shit again.

“I’m worried. I know you’re back with the band but I think we should clear this up before we’re together all the time.”

“Liam, it’s fine okay? I’m fine. Everything’s fine. Shut up. Dont worry about it.”

“Come on Noel!”

He’s going to fucking push it I know it. He had to fucking ruin it.

“Damn it Liam forget about it!”

“No, you’re going to tell me.”

He pulls me roughly into an alley. When did he get so fucking strong? He points a finger in my face.

“You’re **going** to tell me.”

“Who the fuck do you think you are?!”

He’s just staring at me now, breathing hard, his blown pupils staring at me, I can only see a sliver of his blue eyes. Those blue fucking eyes.

“Fine, if I tell you will that stop you hitting me?”

He lets go of me with a nod, he looks like a fucking child. Big eyes and everything...

I can’t tell him.

_Tell him!_

Tell him what?

_It’s true anyway._

I think that hallucination brought my fucking conscience to the forefront...that or it’s the devil on my shoulder.

 _You_ **_know_ ** _it would make him lose his fucking mind._

That I’m into blokes?

_Obviously you fucking nonce._

The coke and my brain the devil finally win. It just comes out.

“There’s someone.”

“What are you on about?”

“There’s someone, I want, that’s not Louise..”

“What? Since when do you fucking cheat?

“I don’t. I’m not. It’s just thoughts.

Backtrack? Hello? Should I backtrack?

 ...

Now you have nothing to say!?

“Fine...Do I know her?”

“No, you don’t know... him.”

He steps back with wide eyes.

I kind of regret it now. No I totally regret it now. Fucking idiot.

He blinks.

“So you’re fucking gay or something?”

“No. I don’t know. I want both of them”

He looks like he’s going to have a heart attack.

“What the fuck Noel?!”

His face is morphing from confusion and shock. But then I see it. Jealousy.

I feel a warm feeling through my whole body.

Forget what I said. I don’t regret this at all.

 

~~~

Liam

I think I’m having a hallucination. I’ve finally fucking lost it. My brother’s just told me he wants some bloke and I think I might be sick. But-

“But why were you being shitty to me?”

“Seeing you with Emma made me jealous. You being with someone you wanted.”

“I thought you loved Louise?”

“I do. I just. Want him. More.”

“Have you lost your mind Noel? Are you actually fucking mental?”

“No, I just cant hold it back anymore." 

I can’t stand staying still, so I start pacing back and forth.

 

~~~

Noel

“Who the fuck- Where? What?!”

“I met him at the club.”

“And?!”

“He wanted me and I wanted him.”

“How high _are_ you?”

 He’s screwing up his face now. Jealous. The way he’s looking at me. Jealous. He’s getting angry now.

“I need some fucking water.”

“Yeah I think we better go.”

“What happened to you?”

It just pops into my head.

“Clint.”

I think he started it all actually. He made me like blokes. He looked at me like that. And fucking put his hands-

“Clint from the Inspirals? That son of a bitch.”

"He didn’t make me-”

“I don’t want to hear about you and him okay? I don’t want to hear any of it. Just- I’m going home.”

“I thought you wanted to talk Liam?”

“Were you planning this?”

“No.”

“God, who are you?”

“Liam I just-”

“No, I’m going.”

He turns around and walks back the way we came, I can hear him swearing under his breath.

Shit.

_I think that went well!_

Now you want to speak!?

_I was just watching what was going to happen_

Well it’s over now I think.

_Don’t lie to yourself, you thought it just like I did. He was jealous._

Maybe..

 

~~~

Liam

I don’t fucking understand. It was all fucking good until he said that. That he was with...them. Blokes. I feel sick. My fucking brother is into blokes. While I walk back to the bus station I can’t help but kick over anything I find. Beer bottles and...just anything. I wish I could kick myself. And be out of this fucking nightmare. When I get home I know mam can hear me dragging myself through the door. Dragging. But she doesn’t get up and quiz me about what’s going on. I don’t even know what's going on. I don’t even think any of this is real. It can’t be. No possible way. Bed is good. Water is good. Anything to make this fucking headache go away. The moonlight is beaming on the floor of our room and I can’t think of what I hate more. Him being with...them. Or them being with him. It’s not the same. Those guys touching him. With their filthy fucking hands. Him. Wanting-

God. I hate this.

They can’t have him. He’s mine. He’s fucking mine. He, Noel fucking Gallagher doesn’t- He’s not like them. He’s better than everyone actually. I nearly fucking burst when he said he wanted to get back with Oasis. So I could have him. My big brother. Mine. And I was stupid enough to want more. And hoping the more he wanted was me. But it’s them. I can deal with Louise but not fucking this. It’s just not right.

They won't have him. Or get to touch him. So, I’m going to find out where the fuck Clint is and bash his fucking face in. Case closed.

 

~~~

Noel

When I wake up I feel shitty. Not a fucking surprise when you do coke and -- Liam. Or have a fight with your little brother. Fuck I’m an idiot. Maybe he’ll forget?-- I’ve never been that fucking lucky...He was so angry.

_Because he’s jealous. You know I’m right._

That’s what I thought last night. Probably because that’s what I **wanted** him to think. He’s probably mad because I didn’t tell him, because we don’t really have secrets. As much as we fucking hate each other sometimes we don’t keep things from each other. I remember the exact night when Liam told me he lost his virginity. It was with this girl who was also in Year 10. When he was a fucking kid. He told me with this huge smile on his face how she told him to come over when she was home alone and how much she “fucking loved it”. Its sick, but I wish he really was jealous. I fucking wish.

Louise finally stirs in her sleep and turns to face me.

“Hey babe, you got in late last night.”

God, I can’t stand this, just pretending with her. I love her so much. I just don’t know what kind of love it is anymore. If it’s familiarity, or romantic. It’s not romantic. When she touches me I think about...a guy. I just...I just can’t stand lying. I’m not even cheating I’m just...I can’t anymore. When I look at her I realize how much of a piece of shit I am for not being who she deserves. But it also makes me angry. That this fucking politeness is stopping me from having what I want. And I want him. Who ever that is... I don’t want this fucking polite, cordial, sweet thing.

I always say that

_But I know that I will be right back here with you_

Sounds like a good lyric...

I give her a flat look.

“Yep.”

She rolls her eyes.

“There’s no need for you to be a dick, just go take some fucking Paracetamol idiot”

She turns back over with a huff.

“Do you want to stop acting like a fucking cow?”

She’s back up again.

“What the hell is up with you Noel?”

“I just don't give a shit anymore.”

“What do you mean?”

“I _mean_ I don't give a _shit_ anymore. I didn’t think that was that hard to understand.”

“Noel.”

She gives me a worried look.

“Don’t coddle me just fuck off.”

“What the fuck?!”

I get up and walk toward the bathroom, I feel a pillow hit my back but i keep walking. I could walk out of the fucking door right now and never come back. Ever. Maybe I could just walk until I don’t have to fucking think anymore. About all of this shit. I grab a pair of jeans and a shirt out of the dryer and coat and keys. If I leave, it might just be gone when I get back. Everything could disappear. Or maybe I just could.

I walk down the street and there’s a wall of posters for bands performing nearby.

I can’t believe my fucking luck.

The Inspiral Carpets.

Tonight at 10 o’clock.

Guess I’ve got a whole day to waste.

 

~~~

Liam

Still can’t focus. Even though its morning and everything’s supposed to be better in the morning. I think. I walk down stairs and see mam. God am I glad to see her. How does she make everything alright?

“Morning Liam you alright?”

“Yeah, just a late night. Ran into an old friend.”

“I can’t imagine what you mean by an old friend Liam. You’re only 19.”

She smiles.

“Very funny. No it was just- whatever.”

“Well, you’re okay now. Now eat something.”

 ~~~

I have to escape, be outside with some fresh fucking air. Being in our room reminds me. Vaguely of Noel, and beds, and whatever Noel’s done in them. I feel sick again. But something stops me in my tracks. A freshly posted sign, for an Inspiral Carpets gig.

Fuck if I’m going to miss this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here's to hoping i post again in 2 weeks x

**Author's Note:**

> More chapters to come, I've got plenty more ideas for this story!


End file.
